Memoir # 7: The Dowager
Every trip that lasts for longer than a month requires a fabulous back-story. Here's mine:
My dowager Grandmother is living proof of Storm's quote: "Sometimes Anger can help you survive." She's an expert in fashioning herself as a victim, making dramatic scenes, being self-righteous, and puting a brand on EVERYONE - regardless of race, social status, educational background, religion, or physical appearance. For example: Haitians - Magnanakaw; Mexicans - mga kastilang ignorante; Jews - cheapskates; Muslims - terrorist; and her tongue-whip - bakla kasi. It seems that she's always angry about someone, or about something. Well, not literally angry as in cranky, but you can definitely feel some issues...
According to her, her vicious mother had never loved her, or treated her fairly, or at the very least, as a daughter. She's the eldest of 5 siblings, and the only girl - two of her brothers became priests, one became a doctor, and... I don't exactly know what Lolo Piping did - all I know is he got rich, somehow. She and my aunt (tita Monia - real name Ophelia - have no idea how she got her nickname) moved here to New York in in 1970's, along with one of her brothers, Lolo Cesar (of whom I am quite fond - he was this big burly man, very jovial, with a thick moustache - he sorta reminded me of Father Christmas - except he had black hair). Her mother (who is a legend in our family in her own right - dying at 98, with feet so big, when you put them together, you could use them as a fan - eww...) never sent her any money when she was here - striving to make a living in a new country. But she did give Lolo Cesar money - even though he didn't need it - he was a doctor (need I say more?).
Her mother (my great granny Marciana) never sent her to school too. So, when my grandmother married my grandfather (whom she said was dead: BIG SURPRISE when he showed up at my dad's wake!), she immersed herself in her studies. She went to several vocasional courses - cooking, baking, sewing, etc., and she mastered all of them. Eventually, she became a columnist here (I think, I vaguely remember seeing a newspaper clipping with by: Nancy Inton on it), and even went into teaching. At one point, she was giving soprano Fides Cuyugan private lessons in sewing and embroidery - she remembers that she had the most beautiful voice she'd heard (until Charlotte Church came...) and she was also very kind. But I doubt that her taste for music (or her ear for it) is still reliable - I was listening to Anna Moffo's Musetta's Waltz from La Boheme and she said that she (Anna) sounded like Charlotte Church. In reality, they're worlds apart - Charlotte is a soprano soubrette, Anna is a lyric soprano. ^_^
Anyway, on to my extremely kind aunt. She married her husband - Tito Larry - here, and they had two girls. Now, they're divorced, but my aunt still lets him stay here at home; hence the reason we're moving! My grandmother has labelled my tito a snake, Hudas, a lazy-ass, patay-gutom, hampaslupa (so that's where I got this!), walang hiya, makapal ang balat, and my personal favorites - stupid idiot & sociopath/psychopath.
In all fairness to my lola, the man is a real piece of work - or the lack thereof. He stays locked in his stinky room, not bathing, not coming out for air, the entire day - except when he wants to eat or has to go have his dialysis (oh yeah, he has diabetes too, and heart disease - but that doesn't make him any more pathetic and deserving of god-given mercy - will explain later). He looks soooo thin, I swear - it's Calista Flockhart meets Mary Kate Olsen! It's like seeing a corpse walking around - I bet some corpses even smell better. He does nothing at home! And (according to my grandmother) he's been like this the entire 30 plus years they've been in New York. We're moving next week, and he hasn't even begun packing his bags.
He's not weak from his illness, if that's what you're thinking. In fact, I think he's faking it. He's actually better than my grandmother at making pa-awa. He even has my uncle (uncle nga ba? well, yes, he's adorable, but he's my dad's cousin - Lolo Cesar's only unmarried son - he has 9 kids) Erik thinking that he's too weak to work. Erik's offered to take care of him when we move out, but I know he wouldn't if only he knew the entire story. Speaking of Erik - he's gorgeous! hihi! He's not the most good looking man I've seen, but he has a very boyish appeal, plus his smile just lights up the room. He's not that old, either, 30something, I think. He asked me to go to the opera with him. GOSH! I have a date for the opera! How Moonstruck is that?! Pero I declined, I feel a little ilang with him, and I know he's busy too... sooo... Where was I?
Oh yeah, my good-for-nothing tito. He's no where near weak - his doctors say he needs a pace-maker, but we know the doctors only want more money. As proof positive of what a creep he is - on the eve of my mom's birthday this year (April 23), he orchestrated a real riot in the house. While my brother and I were at Great Adventure, my aunt tried to talk to him about moving - and the guy erupts into a full-scale fit! He starts cursing everyone in the room - my aunt, my cousin Jill, my grandmother. And he wasn't even ashamed that my mom and my 3-year old niece were there! My mom told me about everything - you know when your mom is telling you something grave when she takes on that tone - I remember that tone from that fateful April Saturday four years ago when she told me that my father had other, older children from a previous marriage. As it turns out, I have a kuya Francis and an (adobted) ate Tina... weird.
Anyway, the next night, he picked another fight again. It all began in the kitchen, we'd just finished eating and discovered that someone had poured salt all over the pancit that my mom and lola made for her birthday. At first we all thought my lola had just put too much salt - she's 84, give her a break if her taste buds are a little off. But it tasted like someone had cooked the noodles in seawater - blech! Then my mom took the caserole where they'd put the pancit and saw salt crystals all over the handle. I looked in the cabinet and found that someone had wreked the salt bottle's cap thingy... hmmm...something fishy... Lola checked the rest of the pancit which she set had aside and put in the fridge, and it tasted quite good. Seeing all those CSI episodes had paid off...
When Tito Larry came out of his room, all hell broke loose. Jill was soooooo in his face. Of course, I don't like family confrontations (I remember, my exact words, as I slipped out of the kitchen into my niece's room to keep her from seeing her raging mom, were 'Mommy!'). I stayed in the room until the fight was right outside the door - then Mommy came in and took Gia (my niece) downstairs - I kept her company (I was feeling a little weepy at that time - that or I was feeling the uncontrollable urge to slap the good-for-nothing-pancit-wrecker - which I couldn't do - too diva-ish) until everything was okay.
Jill was really scary though. She's a big girl - way taller than my brother, and pretty well-built. Considering the shape my uncle was in, she could have killed him quite easily! She can be pretty intimidating sometimes, but she's nice to people who are nice to her. Gia, on the otherhand can be quite a handful.
Sooo... the past two days we've been having a moving-out sale in the garage. We've sold a lot of stuff, and raised at least $250. Bad side is, we sold the couch in lola's den - so there's almost no sitting space in there... hihi! We'll be moving on Saturday, but before that, I'd like to go back into the city. Probably tomorrow (if I can wake up early) or on Tuesday. This time, I'm headed to Central Park - and Lincoln Center again - I want to see more of David Blaine (yey! I know how to spell his name now!).
Anywho... that's all for now. My grandmother is definitely quite a character. I love her; you just gotta love her. If you don't take what she says to seriously, it's actually quite endearing. ^_^
My dowager Grandmother is living proof of Storm's quote: "Sometimes Anger can help you survive." She's an expert in fashioning herself as a victim, making dramatic scenes, being self-righteous, and puting a brand on EVERYONE - regardless of race, social status, educational background, religion, or physical appearance. For example: Haitians - Magnanakaw; Mexicans - mga kastilang ignorante; Jews - cheapskates; Muslims - terrorist; and her tongue-whip - bakla kasi. It seems that she's always angry about someone, or about something. Well, not literally angry as in cranky, but you can definitely feel some issues...
According to her, her vicious mother had never loved her, or treated her fairly, or at the very least, as a daughter. She's the eldest of 5 siblings, and the only girl - two of her brothers became priests, one became a doctor, and... I don't exactly know what Lolo Piping did - all I know is he got rich, somehow. She and my aunt (tita Monia - real name Ophelia - have no idea how she got her nickname) moved here to New York in in 1970's, along with one of her brothers, Lolo Cesar (of whom I am quite fond - he was this big burly man, very jovial, with a thick moustache - he sorta reminded me of Father Christmas - except he had black hair). Her mother (who is a legend in our family in her own right - dying at 98, with feet so big, when you put them together, you could use them as a fan - eww...) never sent her any money when she was here - striving to make a living in a new country. But she did give Lolo Cesar money - even though he didn't need it - he was a doctor (need I say more?).
Her mother (my great granny Marciana) never sent her to school too. So, when my grandmother married my grandfather (whom she said was dead: BIG SURPRISE when he showed up at my dad's wake!), she immersed herself in her studies. She went to several vocasional courses - cooking, baking, sewing, etc., and she mastered all of them. Eventually, she became a columnist here (I think, I vaguely remember seeing a newspaper clipping with by: Nancy Inton on it), and even went into teaching. At one point, she was giving soprano Fides Cuyugan private lessons in sewing and embroidery - she remembers that she had the most beautiful voice she'd heard (until Charlotte Church came...) and she was also very kind. But I doubt that her taste for music (or her ear for it) is still reliable - I was listening to Anna Moffo's Musetta's Waltz from La Boheme and she said that she (Anna) sounded like Charlotte Church. In reality, they're worlds apart - Charlotte is a soprano soubrette, Anna is a lyric soprano. ^_^
Anyway, on to my extremely kind aunt. She married her husband - Tito Larry - here, and they had two girls. Now, they're divorced, but my aunt still lets him stay here at home; hence the reason we're moving! My grandmother has labelled my tito a snake, Hudas, a lazy-ass, patay-gutom, hampaslupa (so that's where I got this!), walang hiya, makapal ang balat, and my personal favorites - stupid idiot & sociopath/psychopath.
In all fairness to my lola, the man is a real piece of work - or the lack thereof. He stays locked in his stinky room, not bathing, not coming out for air, the entire day - except when he wants to eat or has to go have his dialysis (oh yeah, he has diabetes too, and heart disease - but that doesn't make him any more pathetic and deserving of god-given mercy - will explain later). He looks soooo thin, I swear - it's Calista Flockhart meets Mary Kate Olsen! It's like seeing a corpse walking around - I bet some corpses even smell better. He does nothing at home! And (according to my grandmother) he's been like this the entire 30 plus years they've been in New York. We're moving next week, and he hasn't even begun packing his bags.
He's not weak from his illness, if that's what you're thinking. In fact, I think he's faking it. He's actually better than my grandmother at making pa-awa. He even has my uncle (uncle nga ba? well, yes, he's adorable, but he's my dad's cousin - Lolo Cesar's only unmarried son - he has 9 kids) Erik thinking that he's too weak to work. Erik's offered to take care of him when we move out, but I know he wouldn't if only he knew the entire story. Speaking of Erik - he's gorgeous! hihi! He's not the most good looking man I've seen, but he has a very boyish appeal, plus his smile just lights up the room. He's not that old, either, 30something, I think. He asked me to go to the opera with him. GOSH! I have a date for the opera! How Moonstruck is that?! Pero I declined, I feel a little ilang with him, and I know he's busy too... sooo... Where was I?
Oh yeah, my good-for-nothing tito. He's no where near weak - his doctors say he needs a pace-maker, but we know the doctors only want more money. As proof positive of what a creep he is - on the eve of my mom's birthday this year (April 23), he orchestrated a real riot in the house. While my brother and I were at Great Adventure, my aunt tried to talk to him about moving - and the guy erupts into a full-scale fit! He starts cursing everyone in the room - my aunt, my cousin Jill, my grandmother. And he wasn't even ashamed that my mom and my 3-year old niece were there! My mom told me about everything - you know when your mom is telling you something grave when she takes on that tone - I remember that tone from that fateful April Saturday four years ago when she told me that my father had other, older children from a previous marriage. As it turns out, I have a kuya Francis and an (adobted) ate Tina... weird.
Anyway, the next night, he picked another fight again. It all began in the kitchen, we'd just finished eating and discovered that someone had poured salt all over the pancit that my mom and lola made for her birthday. At first we all thought my lola had just put too much salt - she's 84, give her a break if her taste buds are a little off. But it tasted like someone had cooked the noodles in seawater - blech! Then my mom took the caserole where they'd put the pancit and saw salt crystals all over the handle. I looked in the cabinet and found that someone had wreked the salt bottle's cap thingy... hmmm...something fishy... Lola checked the rest of the pancit which she set had aside and put in the fridge, and it tasted quite good. Seeing all those CSI episodes had paid off...
When Tito Larry came out of his room, all hell broke loose. Jill was soooooo in his face. Of course, I don't like family confrontations (I remember, my exact words, as I slipped out of the kitchen into my niece's room to keep her from seeing her raging mom, were 'Mommy!'). I stayed in the room until the fight was right outside the door - then Mommy came in and took Gia (my niece) downstairs - I kept her company (I was feeling a little weepy at that time - that or I was feeling the uncontrollable urge to slap the good-for-nothing-pancit-wrecker - which I couldn't do - too diva-ish) until everything was okay.
Jill was really scary though. She's a big girl - way taller than my brother, and pretty well-built. Considering the shape my uncle was in, she could have killed him quite easily! She can be pretty intimidating sometimes, but she's nice to people who are nice to her. Gia, on the otherhand can be quite a handful.
Sooo... the past two days we've been having a moving-out sale in the garage. We've sold a lot of stuff, and raised at least $250. Bad side is, we sold the couch in lola's den - so there's almost no sitting space in there... hihi! We'll be moving on Saturday, but before that, I'd like to go back into the city. Probably tomorrow (if I can wake up early) or on Tuesday. This time, I'm headed to Central Park - and Lincoln Center again - I want to see more of David Blaine (yey! I know how to spell his name now!).
Anywho... that's all for now. My grandmother is definitely quite a character. I love her; you just gotta love her. If you don't take what she says to seriously, it's actually quite endearing. ^_^
posted by Mikee @ 10:44 AM
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