Vissi d'arte

from lullaby to requiem

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Once upon a time... not long ago

/ho (translation: AWIT!!! - well, not really, this is more of a recitative than a song really... anyway!)

Once upon a time not long ago the head of any studio knew how and when to play his aces... Now they put some talentless unknown beneath their sacred microphone - WE didn't need words, we had faces! Yes they took all the idols and smashed them: the Fairbanks, the Gilberts, the Valentinos. They trampled on what was divine, they threw away the gold of Silence... When all they needed was this fave of mine...

Scene 4 (?) of the first act of ALW's Sunset Boulevard, right after Norma Desmond (fading star of yesteryears) has a verbal fencing match with Joe Gillis (a writer deep in debt). He asks: Aren't you Norma Desmond? You used to be big! You used to be in pictures!" And she replies with one of my favorite taray lines ever... "I AM big! It's the pictures that got small!"

Oh, how I long for those glory days... My glory days... People say you achieve your glory when you're young, some people say that glory days are only for the old. So Which is it really?

I only have like 6 minutes to write this but hey... Before we delve into whether old people or young people are to have their glory days, let us try to define glory days...

Are glory days days of love? If that were so, than I would never have knownny glory... nuff said.

Do we gauge glory by our academic achievements? This could be plausible for me - I did graduate with honors. But is that enough?

Here's my idea of my own glory days...

Me, in the kitchen, preparing supper for my husband (!) and kids, while they wait in the living quarters, he with a big smile on his beautiful face, reading the papers and watching my boy who's doing his homework. My girls (identical twins), silently napping in a crib (built for two) that was brought down into the sala so we can watch them while doing stuff in the living room. Paris Alexandre Chase, my eldest would grow up to be a lawyer, Victoria Catherine Marie would become head of pediatrics in a reputable hospital, and Mary Elizabeth Margaret would follow my footsteps and become the next opera diva...

The movie in my mind... The dream they leave behind, a scene I can't erase... And in a strong GI's embrace, flee this life, flee this place... The movie plays and plays... The screen before me fills, it takes me to New York. It gives me dollar bills... Our children laugh all day, and eat too much ice cream, for life is like a dream. Dream... The Dream I long to find... the Movie in my Mind...
A world that's far away, where life is not unkind... the Movie in my Mind....*sing ala Lea Salonga

Ok back to reality! I have papers to grade, I have a Masters Program to worry about, I have a love life to fix (because I don't have a boyfriend! I just realized recently: I DO WANT A BOYFRIEND!!), I have TV shows to watch, I have a dog to feed, I have to make saing, I have a lot of responsibilities!!! My glory days are FARRR from here... but if you think about it. Our glory don't have to be in the future! We don't have to be Kims and Gigis and Ms Saigon contestants looking for American GIs to save them from the hell of Vietnam. And we don't have to be Norma Desmonds hopelessly clinging to dead careers and faded spotlights either... We can have our glory days here and now... We only need to work much harder, but also enjoy what we're doing much more... Wow... it took me 26 minutes to write that! hihihi!

~End of Sensible Writing: from now on, only ramblings and irrelevant but juicier news~
1. Parang magick!!! I got my sweldo!!!! Galing!!! When I checked my ATM, may lumabas na pera!!! GALING!!! Bigla na lang lumabas! Magick!!! It's not much, and when I first checked my ATM, I thought someone had deposited only a week's worth of pay! Yun pala, naduling lang ako! Nandun na pala ung full na sweldo for my last two months! hihihi! YEY!!! Now I can buy stuff!!! Now... what to buy.... /hmm

2. I got a peek of my schedule next sem, I'll be handling two Comm 2 classes. Sana hindi na madagdagan! Comm 2 is research, so I'll be checking like 25 people/class, 2 classes = 50 papers, give or take a few. And each paper will be about 15-20 p[ages long... that's 750 PAGES!!! O MY GOD!!!! Somebody just kill me now... *iyak
Feeling ko, pag boba ang mga eschudents, magsusungit na lang ako forever! Magpapa-ulan ako ng 4s and 5s and 3s!!! WEEEEE!!!!!

3. Yun lang! I'm sick, so I'm not feeling well (duh!), and I still need to prepare lessons for tomorrow!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

I like him, but he's not into me... the story of my life...

They say that it;'s the hardest, and most painful feeling in the world: Being in love with someone, and waiting for him to love you back... I'm watching Oprah right now, and that's not really what they're discussing - one guest mentioned it in passing, but that's what caught my attention.

Anyway... it really is the story of my life. I've had lots of BIG crushes on guys, (I don't know, maybe even in love with them), and , and waiting just to see what happens... But I disagree that it's a painful feeling. I can think of other more painful feelings - like the state I find myself in today: Disbelief. I do not believe in love, and I am not afraid to say it. Then again... I don't feel any pain or hurt from this feeling, so maybe they are right, unrequited love is so much more difficult than not believing in love. I'm rambling, I know, but hey, who cares?

I am such a drama queen!!! I know I don't believe in love, but I'm still secretly hoping for it... or am I??? Right now, I don't feel sad or depressed, unlike several months ago when just the thought of being single made me want to eat more Kitkats and Pringles. Today, I don't really care that I don't have a boyfriend, or that I might never have one.

I attribute this certain sense of happiness (or at least, the lack of sadness) to my other dreams: I am a teacher, and I've always wanted to be one. I also want to go to the Ateneo to take my MA, then I'm planning to go abroad and find teaching positions maybe in the States or in Europe. I'm really too busy to even think of boyfriends - although most of my jokes have "hanap mo ko ng boypren' as punchlines. The only times I really feel like I want a boyfriend is at night, just before I got to sleep - but then, Dan puts me to sleep pretty fastly (and soundly too, *wink wink).

Teka: Hey mambo, mambo Italiano, go go Joe, you mixed up Siciliano.. with matching dance moves. hihi!

Hihi! Anyway, where was I???? I forgot na... whatever, basta! On to other news!!! It's my birthday tomorow! WEEE!!! Wala akong handa!! hihihi! Wala pa kami sweldo T_T Tsaka na lang cguro, sabay na sa despedida ni Darcylicious. hihihih!

Still other news: I'm wearing glasses na!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAA!!! Muka ako nerd!!! WAAAAAA!!!! Nahihilo-hilo pa ako, my eyes are still trying to adjust, pero cute sya, brown ung rims - kaso nga lang, they hide my gorgeous eyelashes and my lovely eyes! hihihi! Anyway: wala na ko masabi, buh-bye!!!

My posts are getting boring, baka madisappoint si JC! hihihi! ^_^