Vissi d'arte

from lullaby to requiem

Monday, December 27, 2004

My Big Fat Filipino Family

My uncle died last October; unfortunately, he died in Saudi where he was working as an architect (or an engineer, I can't tell the difference) and it took us around 45 days to get him home. When he did get home, we finally were able to have his wake, and grieve properly.

Since my uncle, God rest his Soul, stayed in Saudi for so long - and they don't embalm people there - he stayed in a freezer. When he was set up for viewing, he didn't look like him at all. I guess 45 days of being frozen does that to you - so I thought, when I finally die, I don't want a viewing. I don't want people looking into my coffin and thinking how aweful the make-up is, or how I look so peaceful. I don't want people looking at me and feeling sorry for me, coz you know, I'm helpless - and dead. I want to be cremated IMMEDIATELY after I die - no kind of viewing or anything. If anyone wants a wake, then they could put my ashes in a cute little urn for viewing (blue, or marble - but has to be very tasteful and not bland and plain).

Anyway, it's a requisite for members of my family to stay in the funeraria and make bantay the remains of any dead family member (I know it sounds coño, but I don't know how else to put it!). We did it with my dada, so now, we're doing it for my uncle - my mom's eldest brother. It's also very common for the members of our extended family to visit during wakes, so I expected a big reunion, and I got it too.

As in most families, my family is full of personalities - and this is just my mom's side, I;m not very close to my dad's side, except for my grandma and tita Monina, and her two daughters Jill and Stacy. In any family, you will find the following:

  • The drunk uncle - mine doesn't stop drinking until he's glowing red and speaks english like he didn't go to law school. He's also pretty rich - get this, he gave his two teenaged daughters 10,000php to go spend on a shopping spree. Of course this got my mom really riled up, she told him off for doing that, but I guess that's his way of showing he's a good father - by throwing money at his kids. Now why didn't I get parents like that? hihi!
  • The womanizing uncle - of course I only found out now! hihi! But I like him, he's a great dad to his kids, and a really sweet uncle to us.
  • The Cook - the aunt who can turn slush to great eats, womanizer's wife, quite scandalous - thinks she's always the boss, but bearable enough.
  • The single aunts - my favorite aunts in the whole world! They're like the cool, carefree versions of my mom. One is kinda big, and eats a lot (like me! strike the kinda big!) The other is small as a chihuahua, and twice as fiesty! hihi! The former is also *involved* with a lesbian hence:
  • The Lesbian aunt - another favorite, except for one thing - she talks about cars like a boy does... it's just a bit creepy. I really like her though!
  • The gay Uncle... and cousin... and second cousin... and more! - Every household has a gay uncle, mine just happens to be the CEO of big company - take that all you straight sexist uncles! He was talking with drunken uncle in the family when I came out of the bathroom. Drunk uncle points at me, "Iyan, ka-baro nyo yan." I smile and head steadily out of the door, resisting the urge to call him a cheap godfather, and a sucky law school flunk-out. "Di bale, magaling naman!" saves the bossy cook; thanks but no thanks. Then of course, ou got to have gay cousins! I have several, two or three at least! hihi!

I could go on, but my eyes are pretty tired. Thing is, families in the Philippines, are alot more fun than families in the States, or in Europe. We're just a lot more bonded, despite aweful streotypes, a family is still a family.

Really sleepy now, so goodnyt!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

One day I'll fly away

Or maybe I've already flown away, and landed on a completely different planet.

My last post was ages ago, and I wrote it way back in summer, when (big surprise!) I thought I was (ewwwwwww!) in love (ewwwwww!!!) with this guy. Turns out I was just lonely (big surprise #2!). Since then, I've met several (ok, a couple) of new friends, joined the execom of Orcomsoc, organized (I helped!) Mr. & Ms. Orcomsoc, settled on a thesis topic (with which I will not bore my already bored audience), and found a new crush - several of them!

I suppose I can't really try to explain my lack of enthusiasm for writing in this blog; I've always loved writing, and writing about myself should be way too fun for me. I think the reason for my absence is my lack of spirit, not my lack of time or energy - two things I have abundantly, but also two of the things that fly by me all the time. I've lost the heart to talk about my heart, where ever it is, and I doubt that anyone ever really reads these entries - god knows I don't, and I apologize for not reading my friends' blogs (well, I do, when I'm in the mood).

A blog is supposed to be like a diary, recounting the events of a particular day or event, but mine seems more like a collection of short (seemingly unrelated) essays and thoughts about me, and those who surround me. The thing is, I hate to admit it, but I think I'm a little tired of the things around me, people bitching about other people (myself included), bitching about the same things over and over again (once again, myself included). Of course, I don't blame this people (and me!!!), we have a natural, god-given right to bitch. Iit's just that I'm very tired of my routine, of living my life the way people expect me to live it, the way I expect me to live it. I'm tired of the same old people (great, though they are), and I'm tired of living in this old house that smells like my dog - and my aromatherapy incense sticks. I need a change of scenery... like Carrie & NY in Sex & the City, Manila, great a city as it is - horrid at times, and ruthlessly cruel most of the time - is writing its closing chapter in my life. I want to go somewhere, anywhere.

Of course, easier said than done. The last few chapters of Manila in my life may just come back and haunt me later. Like one of those old stories where the lead character starts in one place, and ends right back where it started. Scary, I know. But the thing is, it's not that easy to leave. I have lots to lose, and far too many bothering questions that need to be answered if and when I do leave. Basically, it all boils down to four letters that, when combined in a particulare sequence, form the most frightening word in the English lexicon - O V L E.

The question of whether greener pasteurs and brighter futures exist in a different part of the world, for me, is translated into this sentence: will someone love me and accept me for who I am there? (where ever there is!) nuff said...

Gee.. for someone who doesn't believe in love, I sure think a lot about it. I was discussing it with a friend over text the other week - short story, he likes this boy, but he's not sure if this boy is even interested in other boys (see, in the gay world, my friend would fall into the category of bentable - he looks straight, just don't ask him to move or speak). He was telling me how he didn't believe in love anymore, but how he was still hoping for it. I feel the same way. So I told him if it happens then good, but if it doesn't, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for it. Or should we? Isn't it a little hippocritical (spell check!) for anyone to say he doesn't believe in love, but he hopes it happens? Here begins the endless talks of the arguments for the positive and the negative sides, both having equal weight - neither of the sides can really win anyway. In the end, I guess the answer will be found in whether or not the person (in question) has found love, or not. Once again, nuff said...

I just came home from the Orcomsoc party we've been organizing. It was great, it started a bit late, and the venue was a little small, but it was a big success. So why, when everyone was jumping around at the end of the party, did I just sit in a corner and looked at all the happy people? It couldn't have been just my feet, although I had been standing through three-quarters of the program. I've noticed that going to parties and bars always puts me in a pensieve mood - hence the reason (the real reason) why I'm writing here again! I do my best work when I'm in this mood, and unfortunately, I'm no longer in that mood (or fortunately). I'm rambling again... waaaaaaaa!!!!! Sleepiness is starting to creep in, and my tummy hurts!!! (I'm having tea right now, hoping it will help)

I mentioned at the start of the blog that I have a lot of crushes, and I do. There's this junior who's really tall and has nice feet (I think he's a junior, he's too big to be either a freshie or a sophie, and I don't think he's in my batch); there's this Chinese guy whom I saw getting strawberry syrup at the grocery and almost knocked over our voting booth set-up in the RH lobby, nealy killing Joyce, Me, Fritzie, and other important people; there's this new guy, which I just saw this morning, he has a cute nose and nice eyes, also a freshie I think; there's this freshie who's always wearing shorts and pambahay, with an abacca (?) bag, don't sure if it's abacca or bamboo (basta native!); there's Miguel Aquino, Orcom freshman, really makulit, but kinda cocky; and there's Nestle Magno, also an Orcom freshie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really cute, too cute, with those chubby baby-ish cheeks, and a voice like butter - the boy sings quite well, and that's speaking from a soprano's point of view. He's so cute, I could hardly resist pinching those cute little cheeks - the ones on his face, you perv!! (although the ones down there aren't bad either *wink) He was standing behind me kanina, he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! hihihi! I might even consider joining the chorale just coz he's a member!! hihi!

So anyway, this blog is alive again!! yehey!!! And so what if no one reads it, I read it! and I do love me! hihihi! a little too much, I think. (I hate myself too much too! so balance lang! ^_^) I need someone to teach me how to put up the comments thing on the side, like the ones on my other friends!! Calling JC... hihi! =)