One day I'll fly away
Or maybe I've already flown away, and landed on a completely different planet.
My last post was ages ago, and I wrote it way back in summer, when (big surprise!) I thought I was (ewwwwwww!) in love (ewwwwww!!!) with this guy. Turns out I was just lonely (big surprise #2!). Since then, I've met several (ok, a couple) of new friends, joined the execom of Orcomsoc, organized (I helped!) Mr. & Ms. Orcomsoc, settled on a thesis topic (with which I will not bore my already bored audience), and found a new crush - several of them!
I suppose I can't really try to explain my lack of enthusiasm for writing in this blog; I've always loved writing, and writing about myself should be way too fun for me. I think the reason for my absence is my lack of spirit, not my lack of time or energy - two things I have abundantly, but also two of the things that fly by me all the time. I've lost the heart to talk about my heart, where ever it is, and I doubt that anyone ever really reads these entries - god knows I don't, and I apologize for not reading my friends' blogs (well, I do, when I'm in the mood).
A blog is supposed to be like a diary, recounting the events of a particular day or event, but mine seems more like a collection of short (seemingly unrelated) essays and thoughts about me, and those who surround me. The thing is, I hate to admit it, but I think I'm a little tired of the things around me, people bitching about other people (myself included), bitching about the same things over and over again (once again, myself included). Of course, I don't blame this people (and me!!!), we have a natural, god-given right to bitch. Iit's just that I'm very tired of my routine, of living my life the way people expect me to live it, the way I expect me to live it. I'm tired of the same old people (great, though they are), and I'm tired of living in this old house that smells like my dog - and my aromatherapy incense sticks. I need a change of scenery... like Carrie & NY in Sex & the City, Manila, great a city as it is - horrid at times, and ruthlessly cruel most of the time - is writing its closing chapter in my life. I want to go somewhere, anywhere.
Of course, easier said than done. The last few chapters of Manila in my life may just come back and haunt me later. Like one of those old stories where the lead character starts in one place, and ends right back where it started. Scary, I know. But the thing is, it's not that easy to leave. I have lots to lose, and far too many bothering questions that need to be answered if and when I do leave. Basically, it all boils down to four letters that, when combined in a particulare sequence, form the most frightening word in the English lexicon - O V L E.
The question of whether greener pasteurs and brighter futures exist in a different part of the world, for me, is translated into this sentence: will someone love me and accept me for who I am there? (where ever there is!) nuff said...
Gee.. for someone who doesn't believe in love, I sure think a lot about it. I was discussing it with a friend over text the other week - short story, he likes this boy, but he's not sure if this boy is even interested in other boys (see, in the gay world, my friend would fall into the category of bentable - he looks straight, just don't ask him to move or speak). He was telling me how he didn't believe in love anymore, but how he was still hoping for it. I feel the same way. So I told him if it happens then good, but if it doesn't, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for it. Or should we? Isn't it a little hippocritical (spell check!) for anyone to say he doesn't believe in love, but he hopes it happens? Here begins the endless talks of the arguments for the positive and the negative sides, both having equal weight - neither of the sides can really win anyway. In the end, I guess the answer will be found in whether or not the person (in question) has found love, or not. Once again, nuff said...
I just came home from the Orcomsoc party we've been organizing. It was great, it started a bit late, and the venue was a little small, but it was a big success. So why, when everyone was jumping around at the end of the party, did I just sit in a corner and looked at all the happy people? It couldn't have been just my feet, although I had been standing through three-quarters of the program. I've noticed that going to parties and bars always puts me in a pensieve mood - hence the reason (the real reason) why I'm writing here again! I do my best work when I'm in this mood, and unfortunately, I'm no longer in that mood (or fortunately). I'm rambling again... waaaaaaaa!!!!! Sleepiness is starting to creep in, and my tummy hurts!!! (I'm having tea right now, hoping it will help)
I mentioned at the start of the blog that I have a lot of crushes, and I do. There's this junior who's really tall and has nice feet (I think he's a junior, he's too big to be either a freshie or a sophie, and I don't think he's in my batch); there's this Chinese guy whom I saw getting strawberry syrup at the grocery and almost knocked over our voting booth set-up in the RH lobby, nealy killing Joyce, Me, Fritzie, and other important people; there's this new guy, which I just saw this morning, he has a cute nose and nice eyes, also a freshie I think; there's this freshie who's always wearing shorts and pambahay, with an abacca (?) bag, don't sure if it's abacca or bamboo (basta native!); there's Miguel Aquino, Orcom freshman, really makulit, but kinda cocky; and there's Nestle Magno, also an Orcom freshie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really cute, too cute, with those chubby baby-ish cheeks, and a voice like butter - the boy sings quite well, and that's speaking from a soprano's point of view. He's so cute, I could hardly resist pinching those cute little cheeks - the ones on his face, you perv!! (although the ones down there aren't bad either *wink) He was standing behind me kanina, he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! hihihi! I might even consider joining the chorale just coz he's a member!! hihi!
So anyway, this blog is alive again!! yehey!!! And so what if no one reads it, I read it! and I do love me! hihihi! a little too much, I think. (I hate myself too much too! so balance lang! ^_^) I need someone to teach me how to put up the comments thing on the side, like the ones on my other friends!! Calling JC... hihi! =)
My last post was ages ago, and I wrote it way back in summer, when (big surprise!) I thought I was (ewwwwwww!) in love (ewwwwww!!!) with this guy. Turns out I was just lonely (big surprise #2!). Since then, I've met several (ok, a couple) of new friends, joined the execom of Orcomsoc, organized (I helped!) Mr. & Ms. Orcomsoc, settled on a thesis topic (with which I will not bore my already bored audience), and found a new crush - several of them!
I suppose I can't really try to explain my lack of enthusiasm for writing in this blog; I've always loved writing, and writing about myself should be way too fun for me. I think the reason for my absence is my lack of spirit, not my lack of time or energy - two things I have abundantly, but also two of the things that fly by me all the time. I've lost the heart to talk about my heart, where ever it is, and I doubt that anyone ever really reads these entries - god knows I don't, and I apologize for not reading my friends' blogs (well, I do, when I'm in the mood).
A blog is supposed to be like a diary, recounting the events of a particular day or event, but mine seems more like a collection of short (seemingly unrelated) essays and thoughts about me, and those who surround me. The thing is, I hate to admit it, but I think I'm a little tired of the things around me, people bitching about other people (myself included), bitching about the same things over and over again (once again, myself included). Of course, I don't blame this people (and me!!!), we have a natural, god-given right to bitch. Iit's just that I'm very tired of my routine, of living my life the way people expect me to live it, the way I expect me to live it. I'm tired of the same old people (great, though they are), and I'm tired of living in this old house that smells like my dog - and my aromatherapy incense sticks. I need a change of scenery... like Carrie & NY in Sex & the City, Manila, great a city as it is - horrid at times, and ruthlessly cruel most of the time - is writing its closing chapter in my life. I want to go somewhere, anywhere.
Of course, easier said than done. The last few chapters of Manila in my life may just come back and haunt me later. Like one of those old stories where the lead character starts in one place, and ends right back where it started. Scary, I know. But the thing is, it's not that easy to leave. I have lots to lose, and far too many bothering questions that need to be answered if and when I do leave. Basically, it all boils down to four letters that, when combined in a particulare sequence, form the most frightening word in the English lexicon - O V L E.
The question of whether greener pasteurs and brighter futures exist in a different part of the world, for me, is translated into this sentence: will someone love me and accept me for who I am there? (where ever there is!) nuff said...
Gee.. for someone who doesn't believe in love, I sure think a lot about it. I was discussing it with a friend over text the other week - short story, he likes this boy, but he's not sure if this boy is even interested in other boys (see, in the gay world, my friend would fall into the category of bentable - he looks straight, just don't ask him to move or speak). He was telling me how he didn't believe in love anymore, but how he was still hoping for it. I feel the same way. So I told him if it happens then good, but if it doesn't, we shouldn't beat ourselves up for it. Or should we? Isn't it a little hippocritical (spell check!) for anyone to say he doesn't believe in love, but he hopes it happens? Here begins the endless talks of the arguments for the positive and the negative sides, both having equal weight - neither of the sides can really win anyway. In the end, I guess the answer will be found in whether or not the person (in question) has found love, or not. Once again, nuff said...
I just came home from the Orcomsoc party we've been organizing. It was great, it started a bit late, and the venue was a little small, but it was a big success. So why, when everyone was jumping around at the end of the party, did I just sit in a corner and looked at all the happy people? It couldn't have been just my feet, although I had been standing through three-quarters of the program. I've noticed that going to parties and bars always puts me in a pensieve mood - hence the reason (the real reason) why I'm writing here again! I do my best work when I'm in this mood, and unfortunately, I'm no longer in that mood (or fortunately). I'm rambling again... waaaaaaaa!!!!! Sleepiness is starting to creep in, and my tummy hurts!!! (I'm having tea right now, hoping it will help)
I mentioned at the start of the blog that I have a lot of crushes, and I do. There's this junior who's really tall and has nice feet (I think he's a junior, he's too big to be either a freshie or a sophie, and I don't think he's in my batch); there's this Chinese guy whom I saw getting strawberry syrup at the grocery and almost knocked over our voting booth set-up in the RH lobby, nealy killing Joyce, Me, Fritzie, and other important people; there's this new guy, which I just saw this morning, he has a cute nose and nice eyes, also a freshie I think; there's this freshie who's always wearing shorts and pambahay, with an abacca (?) bag, don't sure if it's abacca or bamboo (basta native!); there's Miguel Aquino, Orcom freshman, really makulit, but kinda cocky; and there's Nestle Magno, also an Orcom freshie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really cute, too cute, with those chubby baby-ish cheeks, and a voice like butter - the boy sings quite well, and that's speaking from a soprano's point of view. He's so cute, I could hardly resist pinching those cute little cheeks - the ones on his face, you perv!! (although the ones down there aren't bad either *wink) He was standing behind me kanina, he's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! hihihi! I might even consider joining the chorale just coz he's a member!! hihi!
So anyway, this blog is alive again!! yehey!!! And so what if no one reads it, I read it! and I do love me! hihihi! a little too much, I think. (I hate myself too much too! so balance lang! ^_^) I need someone to teach me how to put up the comments thing on the side, like the ones on my other friends!! Calling JC... hihi! =)
posted by Mikee @ 1:42 AM
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