Chatting and more....
Well, right now, I am with Patrick and Darcy - I had a day off (Wednesdays are university breaks, so most Basic Ed Classes - ei. Comm1, Comm3, etc - don't have classes! WEEE!!!). Darcy is UNEMPLOYED, and Patrick also has Wednesdays off, so we went out...
We got to chatting about love and relationships, and it's really weird that Darcy is looking through my blog as I type this... Patrick is, of course, busy with looking at different cute boys via Downelink.com, and Darcy is chatting on mIRC... neither really interest me, I get bored looking at how horny and gorgeous everyone is - all the while - I AM SINGLE!!!
I guess, there's really not much space in cyberspace for queers like me. Everyone's looking for cute bis who look straight, and everyone's trying to trying to look straight - mga ipokrito!!! Anyway... whatever makes their lives more interesting, I really have no say... I have a theory though - I'm not sure if I've written about this, but what the hey...
Darcy got to discussing role-playing in relationships, and he pointed out that in highschool, all of us played the Anima card - the female role. In highschool, for the lack of the biologically female specimens, boys would go to the gays - some went as far as fall in love with some of us (excluding me, of course). We got to the conclusion that highschool was fun, but it doesn't really count... Anyway, when we got out of highschool, we had to face the real gay world. Gays want to go out with straight acting gays, and vice-versa - there is VERY little place for effems.
I had a rather rude awakening to this reality by my acquaintance of a beautiful, charming (albeit self-involved and selfish) boy. He was perfect - almost. I mean, he was sweet at times; very funny; incredibly smart; and also incredibly flirty (with other boys). I loved him, and he knew (and knows) it.
We laughed together, we had fun together, I cared for him deeply, he barely noticed I existed. I'm not saying that he didn't really care for me, I like to think that he values me (somehow, I saw it - although very seldomly). There was a time when I think we liked each other more then we usually did - of course if he reads this, I know for sure he would disagree.
Anyway, we got into several quarrels, because I am relentless and he, unfeeling. I wanted to be his only care, and he wanted himself to be his only care. I remember a very graphic memory - me jumping, and skipping like a girl in love when I found that he was in love with someone and that someone had given him a dose of my own medicine. Of course, I was being a little bit vindictive, but hey - I invested more than a year loving him and being ignored, so I felt I was entitled to gloat, at least a little bit.
He was (and is) like most of the crowd you see in popular gay destinations - Malate and others. Straight acting, but cock-wanting... I apologize for my vulgarity, but these people really piss me off. Labeling yourself bi and in fact being gay isn't really my idea of a sexual preference... I just think these people are deceiving each other, and I'm not really big into deception.
Of course, I'm also pissed because in the old days, life was much simpler. Bis didn't exist, semi-straight men could go out and fall for effems. Of course, I'm being too idealistic. I know today that love does not exist for people like me - to the harsh objections of Darcy. He says that I'm deceiving myself because I don't believe in love, but deep inside, I still want it.
Truth is, I really don't know if it's worth wanting. Of course, I still wake up everyday with some hope, nevermind how little that hope is, that love will deliver itself unto my doorstep - my life's much more fun and dramatic that way. Contradicting and Confusing - drama, drama, drama...
Anyway, in my opinion, relationships without roles cannot exist! Someone will have to play the animus and the anima - the male and the female role. I'll post more of this theory soon because I have to go home na!! I'm in a shop in Mendiola with Darcy and Patrick, and my mom just called to make me go home. So much for independence!!!
We got to chatting about love and relationships, and it's really weird that Darcy is looking through my blog as I type this... Patrick is, of course, busy with looking at different cute boys via Downelink.com, and Darcy is chatting on mIRC... neither really interest me, I get bored looking at how horny and gorgeous everyone is - all the while - I AM SINGLE!!!
I guess, there's really not much space in cyberspace for queers like me. Everyone's looking for cute bis who look straight, and everyone's trying to trying to look straight - mga ipokrito!!! Anyway... whatever makes their lives more interesting, I really have no say... I have a theory though - I'm not sure if I've written about this, but what the hey...
Darcy got to discussing role-playing in relationships, and he pointed out that in highschool, all of us played the Anima card - the female role. In highschool, for the lack of the biologically female specimens, boys would go to the gays - some went as far as fall in love with some of us (excluding me, of course). We got to the conclusion that highschool was fun, but it doesn't really count... Anyway, when we got out of highschool, we had to face the real gay world. Gays want to go out with straight acting gays, and vice-versa - there is VERY little place for effems.
I had a rather rude awakening to this reality by my acquaintance of a beautiful, charming (albeit self-involved and selfish) boy. He was perfect - almost. I mean, he was sweet at times; very funny; incredibly smart; and also incredibly flirty (with other boys). I loved him, and he knew (and knows) it.
We laughed together, we had fun together, I cared for him deeply, he barely noticed I existed. I'm not saying that he didn't really care for me, I like to think that he values me (somehow, I saw it - although very seldomly). There was a time when I think we liked each other more then we usually did - of course if he reads this, I know for sure he would disagree.
Anyway, we got into several quarrels, because I am relentless and he, unfeeling. I wanted to be his only care, and he wanted himself to be his only care. I remember a very graphic memory - me jumping, and skipping like a girl in love when I found that he was in love with someone and that someone had given him a dose of my own medicine. Of course, I was being a little bit vindictive, but hey - I invested more than a year loving him and being ignored, so I felt I was entitled to gloat, at least a little bit.
He was (and is) like most of the crowd you see in popular gay destinations - Malate and others. Straight acting, but cock-wanting... I apologize for my vulgarity, but these people really piss me off. Labeling yourself bi and in fact being gay isn't really my idea of a sexual preference... I just think these people are deceiving each other, and I'm not really big into deception.
Of course, I'm also pissed because in the old days, life was much simpler. Bis didn't exist, semi-straight men could go out and fall for effems. Of course, I'm being too idealistic. I know today that love does not exist for people like me - to the harsh objections of Darcy. He says that I'm deceiving myself because I don't believe in love, but deep inside, I still want it.
Truth is, I really don't know if it's worth wanting. Of course, I still wake up everyday with some hope, nevermind how little that hope is, that love will deliver itself unto my doorstep - my life's much more fun and dramatic that way. Contradicting and Confusing - drama, drama, drama...
Anyway, in my opinion, relationships without roles cannot exist! Someone will have to play the animus and the anima - the male and the female role. I'll post more of this theory soon because I have to go home na!! I'm in a shop in Mendiola with Darcy and Patrick, and my mom just called to make me go home. So much for independence!!!
posted by Mikee @ 9:53 PM
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